Saying goodbye and turning the page...

        The past month has been the hardest in my life since I've lived in Westbury, trying to successfully pass my classes, intern, take care of Baxter, work and well the most stressful...figuring out how Im paying for anything. However despite all that, the last couple of weeks Ive noticed something strange. Ive seen members of my past resurface out of no where; Not all of them saw or recognized me, but I definitely saw them and wonder if this is at all some sort of sign proving to me that a chapter of my life is actually coming to an end.
         The first person I saw was Matt. We met back when we were in elementary school, the two of us were alter servers for our church, though we hadnt become friendly till highschool. We reconnected again at the church at their annual feast. I was his first girlfriend, and he was my saving grace. There was a point where I was definitely in a very dark place and he helped me see the light. Today he has a baby girl with his girlfriend.
         Michelle was my second encounter. Well it was more of a passing by. On Covert Ave, in front of the school there are two stop signs diagnal from each other. We just so happen to stop at the same time. I havent seen that girl in close to 4 years. There was a time when I would have called her a sister. I didnt honk or wave but just kept going.
         I was in target waiting to check out when I saw John. Wow, John...I was in love with him but would refuse to admit it. I was in love with him from the moment I turned him down on the bus in the 8th grade. I've always kinda had this rule that I couldnt date anyone younger than me, But oh how I loved him. Our relationship changed during the later years of highschool going onto college. Feelings were exchanged and well we had a relationship without ever becoming anything official. I hadnt seen him since April of 2006 - Where I had told him I met someone else, and thought that it could get serious. The last time I spoke with him was in  July of the same year, he had asked me if I loved Brian and wanted to know how I could be sure. After that day, he wouldnt take my calls or answer my texts. He was in Target with the girl he had been dating since I told him I was in a relationship. I tried to call out to him, but he didnt hear me, so i tried texting him at the last number that I knew, wishing him a happy holidays, but there was no answer.
         Lastly there was Mikey P. or at least someone that was a spitting image of him. I was walking in the mall and he was just starring at me. When we made eye contact he started to walk my way, but I turned the corner. I met him at the church's annual feast as well, however he is just bad new bears. I definitely have nothing to say to him.

All these people (and many others) brought back so many memories, but Ive come to realize that I'm over it..in a good way, definitely ready to leave this town and start somewhere new...maybe even out of state :)

One door closes, another opens?

Its been a few months since the last I wrote, I really need to stop taking long gaps in between each post. Many doors have opened, some are semi open and a ton of doors have closed. The most recent door closing definitely took me by shock. Im not sure which surprises me more, the fact that its done or the fact that it shocked me...maybe both. Said door has been slowly closing for the last two years and is now finally shut. I've looked up to her and considered her one of the closest people too me. Not because she knew everything about me but because we are disgustingly similar in every way. However in the last couple of years a brick wall started to form between us as things began to happen. We are two strong minded italians, we stick to our ideals and well in our own way we both know we're right. Well I have no ill will towards her; despite the things that she said, I have nothing bad to say about her and really wish she didnt push to end our friendship for I wouldnt have.  I love her and her family so much, but she has definitely hurt me in the past and I guess there are some things that just cant be surpassed

The people we hold in our hearts

There are some people that come into our lives and no matter how much time passes, they remain forever in your heart. You wishes them the best in all they do & remember them in the fondest of ways. The last few years, I've been lucky to re-unite with some of those people from the past, but the warm memories that I had held onto for so long, were no longer there. Some people changed, or perhaps I'm the one thats different. In a sense its bittersweet - my opinion for a bunch of people that I cared about had changed - something just rubbed me the wrong way. It kinda made me sad knowing that I would never remember them in the same light as I had before.
I've recently reunited with a bunch of highschool friends and well they are FREAKING AWESOME still. Love them tons - they are people that I held near and dear for the longest time, and seeing them now and how really they are still awesome, makes me love them so much more. I feel so blessed to have been reunited with such wonderful people. For the 1st time, I feel so loved and wonderful and I owe it all to them.  THANK YOU :)

Somethings you just dont tell people...

There are some things that happen to a person at various points in life where its so embarrassing and what not that maybe you'll tell your closest friends and sometimes not even them; like the time your ex-boyfriend got so drunk he crapped his pants... well maybe I would tell my friends that one considering he is an ex..this recent little adventure of mine consisted of such an event but so much more extreme...

I had hung out with this gentleman -  Lets call him Tommy, a few times before; mostly with friends at bbqs, he even came to a few shows with me. In the past he had made a few comments (like telling me to get rid of my dog, etc) where had he been someone I was interested in dating , it would have been a strike against him. Well since I had no interest in him romantically, I just turned the other cheek and went about my business.

Well I had this event out in the Hamptons. I was so excited but didn't want to go alone, so I gave Tommy a call who was more than glad to come.  We get into my car and we're off. Well the first thing that struck a nerve was the fact that he started to riffle thru my papers that I had in the car. What business does he have going thru my papers??? Next he started telling me how to drive. Listen had I asked a question about driving, that would be one thing, but I didn't and I'm not having some city boy tell me when to break and when not too. I'm a big girl! Ive been driving for several years, Back Off. The last part about that trip that bothered me, was that he threw his garbage out the window while we were driving...Ok I drive a hybrid, I believe in recycling everything possible and I want to save every animal in the world...do not be a litter bug in front of me! (strike 1)

Everyone says I'm super picky and dismiss people too soon, so I gave Tommy a second chance. Tommy hit me up on a Friday about going to the beach the next day. I was having my hair done later that night and It couldn't be wet for 48hrs. So I explained  to Tommy that I would go to the beach but I cant get my hair wet, I was getting it done that night. So he was cool about it, than he starts asking me stupid questions like when are we having sex? when I told him never, he just kept going - asking if we could have phone sex? and so on. I got pissed, and told him he must have me pegged as a different kind of girl and he could have a good time at the beach alone. For the next hour and a 1/2 Tommy begged me to go to the beach, apologizing and saying he didn't mean it. So I agree to go to the beach. (Strike 2)

If you know me well, than you know that my life is centered around the beach and that during the summer months I practically live there. So when I tell you to be at my house by 8:30am to get to the beach...you be there at 8:30am. Well Tommy didn't show up till 10:45 - Over two hours late!!!

We get to the beach, and set up our area. Now I wear a 2-piece, and while usually I don't have an issue changing out of normal clothes, I do have an issue if you are just full on staring at me!!  He takes off his shirt and just turns and stares at me. Than started to get annoyed with me and make comments because I wouldn't take mine off right away (lets not forget that we are at the beach and I do have my bathing suit on).

I have to pause for a minute and give a full description of what I saw when the shirt came off, so that you can truly understand my disgust later.. Imagine a fluorescent white body, man boobs, jet black hair that looked like pubes, and curly Austin Power hair all over the place. Did I mention man boobs?

My shirts comes off and we take a walk to the water. Having had my hair done just the night before I didn't go in. Tommy goes in and starts splashing me! So being as polite as I can, I tell him  - unless you want to walk back to my apt don't splash me. Well talk about being an ass! He starts putting me down, saying that I don't look like one of those bitchy girls and its just hair, stop being a baby, and the best comment - he'll pay to have it re-done.

Annoyed I walk back to my blanket. He comes out and starts yelling at me, complaining that I'm not going in and what am I going to do all day just sit on the blanket?? This is where the day started to become "fun".  We sat under the umbrella for a bit, talking about different things that we would like to do; I had mentioned I wanted to go cliff diving and how I regret not doing it in Hawaii. This triggered a memory of his from his childhood.

Before he moved to this country, he would often go base jumping from a bridge. On one jump he hurt himself so bad that he dislocated a vertebrae and is lucky to be alive. He than began to tell me stories of his childhood and life in a communist country. There was constant fighting everywhere; everyone had a gun, even children and not just a lil hand gun, like a GUN that normally only a sniper or nut jobs carry. In addition to guns everywhere there were grenades and fake grenades..according to him, they were literally just everywhere. One time him and his friends found a fake grenade, and decided to prank the people in the next town over. Tommy took the fake grenade and threw it into a crowd in a busy part of the next town and than hid. Cheerfully, he remembers watching all the people start running and yelling bomb. Woman and children started to cry hysterically as they ran for their lives seeking shelter as to not be blown up, for they all thought it was a real grenade. He remembers that for at least 2 minutes there was absolute silence before everyone started to come out of hiding, carrying on with their day.

It was at this point that I looked up at him; had it been anyone else, the first thing out of my mouth would be, "are you fucking nuts?" But looking at his face and by the tone of his voice, he was very proud of himself, as if nothing he said was morally wrong in any way. Usually my mouth speaks before my brain thinks, however this time, I kept my mouth shout and just nodded.

I guess my nod was an indication that he should continue, so he did. Death and killing was daily part of his life and the general public. The shooting of people wasn't private either, it was out in the public - broad day light. There was one guy that would just kill for any reason, and for the longest time no one was able to kill him. Well he pissed someone off, while this person was standing by the water on a crowded beach, he was murdered by someone who had a machine gun. There were bullets wounds from the top of his head down to the bottom of his legs.

Another time, Tommy decided that he didn't want to go to school, so he took a grenade and threw it through the window of the school building and watched it blow up. He was very proud, for it took some time to repair the building and he didn't have to go to class.

I must have had a look of disgust/shock and he very seriously told me, if someone pissed him off, he would finish him. He than told me the next story:

There was this one time, he was about 13/14 years old, his friend (same age) had gotten attitude from some kid in the neighborhood and wanted him finished. Tommy's cousin happened to be visiting around the same time and unfortunately for his cousin, he knew the kid to be killed. The three of them devised a plan on how to get said child. Tommy and his friend would attack from the front and the cousin would come from behind with a knife, to make it appear as if he were just helping and didn't know it was actually his friend.  Together they went into town. The cousin grabbed the kid from behind a put a knife to his throat;  The friend  (the one who has the problem with this kid) put a gun to the kids head, while Tommy put a gun to the kids crotch. Well this child of 13 years started cry and pee his pants for fear of his life ...and that's the only reason why his life was spared. Had he decided to mouth off to his 3 attackers he would have been "finished".

Not really knowing what else to say, I just sat there trying to absorb everything I had just heard. Never have I ever wanted to leave the beach. Tommy decided he wanted to go for a swim, and while he did I made my panic call to my friend.

Well I got myself out of there as quickly as I possibly could and never again will Tommy and I see each other.

"..You know you want to hold my hand..."

Oh my!! What a night this was. The first part of my evening was spent with the very talented Christina, listening to various bands play..if you didnt know I freelance write reviews on bands for an online magazine... So she and I were listening to bands, having a good time making fun of my ex who happened to be there with a rather large woman (nothing against the large woman but considering he felt embarrassed to be in public with me..) and the group of people who contributed to the end of our relationship -  while I do not like them, I am thankful for them. Anyway my blog isnt about that douche. 

Christina and I had a good time, catching up and listening to the music. We Left the bar and parted ways. Not wanting to go home just yet, despite the fact that it was already 1:30am and unable to get my mind off the double-wide, I hit up my buddy..lets call him.."G"...who was out with two others. After going back & forth on the phone we decided to meet at CJ Wellingtons. Well I was waiting and waiting, when a beautiful stranger popped his head through the passenger window and said: "hi are you Jen?"...

Maybe it was the alcohol or that it was 2am or both, but the way the streetlight was hitting this guy's head, it looked as if he had a golden halo around him, making him appear angelic and that at any moment I would hear the "AHHHHHH" singing.

Staring into his blue eyes, across the passengers seat, most likely blushing, I answered: "yes and who are you?"

Well after shaking hands with "Trouble" and meeting up with "G",  we decided to go swimming with "trouble" in my car and the other boys in the other car...well for lack of better word - "trouble" was definitely trouble but in such a delicious way! The whole ride to the beach consisted of him flirting, complimenting and trying him to hold my hand and me blushing the entire way.

We get to the beach, and well I love the beach and looooove the ocean, and I find it insanely hard to resist going into the water. It didnt take long to convince "trouble" to go in...however unlike trouble I went swimming in Jeans and a tank..."Trouble" decided to strip down to his boxers...and WOW mama.. I think I even said wow outloud, and told him he was delicious... Poor kid I think I embarrassed him. he he.. so we went swimming, with him hugging me and just trying to get me to touch him until about 5am and than I went home.

My question for the night: is an age difference really a big deal? there is a 4 yr difference btw us...Im not looking for anything in particular...but to just play...oh man he was just so adorable, I still have a stupid smile from it..

Can a man and a woman just be friends?

This is one question that I find I ask a lot and most definitely is constantly popping up in my life...why is that so many guys mistake hanging out/friend time as a date?? Let me give you an example of somewhat recent events in my life that causes me to ask such a question...

In high school I had more guy friends than I did female friends. Never once in the 6 years (my high school had Jr High included) did the issue of feelings or dating ever become a topic. We all knew that we were just friends and lil throw back from 1999 - we were mad chill with each other. Fast forward to 2011 - its been about 10 years (i think i just vomited a lil) since we all have graduated from high school. We went our separate ways, however with the use of Facebook & Twitter have reconnected. I found 2 of my old high school buddies on Facebook. We got to chatting a bit and decided to meet up/hang out like old times. Considering it has been about 10yrs, I didn't think twice about it - here is someone that I spent all day, everyday with why would anything change?

Ya well I guess that's where my blonde-ness comes in. I go hang out - have an awesome time, we re-cap on old boyfriends/girlfriends, jobs, parents, apartments, share photos of our pets. I go home thinking that was awesome! My old buddy is just as great as he was in high school.....WRONG.

Two days later, I get a text - "Had a great time on our date, cant wait to see you again!"   Hold up!!!! WAIT!! When the hell did we go on a date???? was that really a date? Did I get duped into something? WTF is going on?

How is meeting up with someone you haven't seen in x amount of years a date? We never dated once in the past? Nor had the topic of feelings ever come up to give the impression that I was into him...So what exactly qualified this to be a date? Is it because I'm single? and if I weren't, would you have not come out?

Immediately following that text, I replied "we were on a date?" and that's where it got awkward. I started receiving texts of various sexual things that this not so gentleman-like person wanted to do with me. Maybe I'm old school, but ah since when did that ever make a woman want a man? Unless your a prostitute and are getting paid to have a man talk to you in that way (and ladies who are  - All the power to you), that is a complete turn off.

Long story short, that "re-kindled friendship" ended as quickly as it started, and sadly the experience put a damper on the memories I had of my so called "awesome" friend.

Jennifer Chory | See.Me

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Back in Business!!!

Woot Woot!!! We are back in business!...it took a few months to get everything into order, however JAECEE is back and new photos will be posted asap. Sorry we missed you and hope to run into you soon!

xoxoxo
Jae