Ramblings of a long week...

So many things I want to say to you when I see you, so many things that I wanna do to you. I'll pretend everythings ok if you just hold me thru the night. Turn a blind eye and ignore all that occurs in front of me. I just need someone to hold me and assure me its going to be ok.

I fear of getting too close. Of feeling things I shouldnt. Of becoming attached...hell I'm already attached, which is a problem.

Heavy

Its scary how well I relate to this...... Florence and the Machine...

I was a heavy heart to carry
My beloved was weighed down
My arms around his neck
My fingers laced to crown.

I was a heavy heart to carry
My feet dragged across ground
And he took me to the river
Where he slowly let me drown

My love has concrete feet
My love's an iron ball
Wrapped around your ankles 
Over the waterfall

I'm so heavy, heavy
Heavy in your arms
I'm so heavy, heavy
Heavy in your arms

And is it worth the wait 
All this killing time?
Are you strong enough to stand
Protecting both your heart and mine?

Who is the betrayer?
Who's the killer in the crowd?
The one who creeps in corridors
And doesn't make a sound

My love has concrete feet
My love's an iron ball
Wrapped around your ankles 
Over the waterfall

My love has concrete feet
My love's an iron ball
Wrapped around your ankles 
Over the waterfall

I'm so heavy, heavy
Heavy in your arms
I'm so heavy, heavy
So heavy in your arms

This will be my last confession
I love you never felt like any blessing 
(Ohhhh)
Whispering like it's a secret 
Only to condemn the one who hears it
With a heavy heart

Heavy heavy i'm so heavy in your arms
(i'm so) Heavy heavy i'm so heavy in your arms
(i'm so) Heavy heavy i'm so heavy in your arms
(i'm so) Heavy heavy i'm so heavy in your arms

I was a heavy heart to carry
my beloved was weighed down
My arms around his neck
My fingers laced to crown

I was a heavy heart to carry
But he never let me down
When he had me in his arms
My feet never touched the ground

I'm so heavy, heavy in your arms.

Heavy, i'm so heavy in your arms.

Ever have a moment where you see a minor altercation occur, nothing major, just a slight nudge or what not, and play the rest of the scene out in your head? Do normal people play scenes out in their heads?

How do you rid yourself of a behavior that is toxic to your soul, but is so good at the present moment?

I applied for the Manhattan housing, I also received an email saying that I am being considered for a job in Miami and I still haven't heard back about Texas. My luck is Ill get this awesome apt in the meatpacking district and the next day get the job in Miami or Texas and have to move.... oh life..

All I need is something to believe in, the rest will fall into place... I so badly want to believe in you. I cant seem to understand why its so hard to distance myself from you.