-How will you know?

-the eyes never lie, they will sparkle and glow

-how can you tell?

-when he looks at you, his eyes will change, soften, glow with happiness. Just like a puppy that looks upon you when entering the door. Your lovers eyes should respond to you in the same fashion.

-what if they don't?

-his heart belongs to another 

9/2015

Lost my best friend. I love him so much more than he'll ever understand or know. Despite all that has happened, I have nothing bad to say. I will truly miss him, I ache at the thought that he will not be present for whatever the future holds. All the plans we had ever made just a whisper in the breeze. ...I need a drink.

Food=enemy

Eating makes me feel guilty. I hate myself after I eat. It could be something as small as an apple, and the hate I feel after is overwhelming. I would throw it up but than I feel bad for wasting. So I would rather not eat at all.

Baxter

Here is the love of my life! 

9/7/15

You talk about how parents love you. you had a full weekend where at any point you could have reached out to my dad. you had his number and you had my car. you didnt. chose to hang out with your coworkers dad.  than you tell me "it was late". you didnt try. you didnt want too. you just wanted to do you.

9/6/14

So I havent written in awhile, but its thoughts like these that I need to write out, and read aloud. Ya know? To see if they actually make sense in the real world as they do in my head.

I had this dream, that he had texted her saying he still loved her and vice versa.

Sometimes I question if I can move forward in this relationship. I won't allow myself to fall in love with someone who still doesnt see me. and No he doesnt. There is a difference and you see it in the eyes of the person. The eyes give it all away, when your crazy about a person, as strong of a face you may put out, your eyes will always show your true feelings. The same works the other way as well.

That moment when even the person you loved doesn't sleep the same way as they had next to you or even hold you the same way. Your gut knows that things have changed. Why am I even here?

4/13/15

I could be having a great day right up to the point where I let baxter out. However as soon as I see him run in circles to all of your typical hiding spots, I break down. It hurts me to see how he misses you. I wish I could explain it all to him. Just thankful he's not a real boy.