Lost

I have a crazy sick intuition. I often know things before they are truly known, not sure how really, though I do believe it depends on the strength of the bond between me and the person its regarding. Sometimes I know things about other people; sometimes the air surrounding me is different and I know something is going to change Not sure what I mean? For example one I had this dream one night about my BIG (sorority sister) being pregnant. She and I had not spoken for about a year prior to this dream. I called her up, and told her not to drink or do anything stupid; long story short I get a call 2 weeks later, she was pregnant.  My best friend, from the day she told me she was preggers, I told her it was going to be a girl. Badda bing, 6 months later, we find out its a girl. Now some will say that I could tell by looking at how the baby sits on her body, or the puffiness of her cheeks; my girl lives in Florida and I in New York...I just had a hunch.

I have this feeling that things are changing again..like a chapter of life is closing and I feel sad. Not sure what part of my life is changing, nor do I know if its positive or negative but its happening. Its weighing on me like bricks. I have this feeling that door is closing between me and this guy I'm close with. Like its only a matter of time, before he or I just up and leave and never see each other again.

A part of me is afraid is to feel too much, but another part me is afraid of not feeling at all. Afraid of opening too much and getting too close or just making myself so vulnerable. For every time I do, the person I get close with leaves. I'm afraid to miss him, for what does that mean if I do? I've suppressed my feelings for everything, anything for so long out of fear of falling on my face again that I don't know how to feel at all. I can only hope and pray that this is what I need.