Going Numb

I did what I do best after someone hurts me, I shut down.

What started as a somewhat decent, slightly painful but fun day, ended terribly.  I lost my best friend, partially because he seriously hurt my feelings while drunk the other night, but also partially because he got too close. Or perhaps I got to close to him.  Since Tuesday night, my wall has been up and my mind shut down. I didn't want to lose him, I never intended to hand him back his house key. It just happened, like blinking, an automatic response. There's no other place I would rather be right now than sitting on his futon watching Dexter and falling asleep. God only knows that I sleep best at his house. I really do! The other night I took over the futon and passed out, when I woke I felt amazing. That scares me, its too close. Any closer and I'm leaving myself in a very vulnerable spot. Giving him back his keys definitely hurt him, hurts me too.  Thank you Brian for screwing with my emotions that I cannot allow myself to get close to anyone.


on top of that I broke my tooth