Wednesday, May 29, 2013

only me

Went canoeing today... Love the nature stuff saw turtles and random giant fish, alligators. Didn't see any manatees but they supposedly hang out in those waters... I love this chick...she is no doubt my soul sister but I just cant understand some of the stuff that goes on here. I mean no disrespect in any way but no fucking way and I'm shocked shes allowed this to take her over. Sometimes I don't believe it. Its like a huge act, a cover up for who knows what. Something she felt she must do, not something she believes in.
Whatever her reasons may be, I will always stand besides her. However it pisses me off that her husband wont allow her to come to New York to come visit. Ya know I was her second maid of honor and she will be my second matron of honor but I will be sooo hurt and whatever else if she doesn't come to my wedding when its time. For someone who knows nothing about me, there are some "jokes" that you just don't chime in on.

Well last night I met up with her sister and brother in law. They too are great people and are on the normal side. Having a drink last night felt awesome!

Today it poured. Thundering and lightning. it was crazy. I decided to drive out to coco beach than back. Visited the Turtle rescue place and was seriously disappointed by the information I received. The guy in there, just had no time to talk with me and hated the fact that I was asking him questions. Seriously if someone is interested in your organization, pay them some attention. From there went to CVS and walked around when I reached the family planning aisle and well decided to get me a toy. Yup that's right, from CVS. There aren't any adult shops in the vicinity and well to be honest they had quite a selection! I was tempted to buy some wine and make it a good time. Especially since the  CVS stores down here also have a full liquor store within it.  So I picked up some batteries and in an effort to try and disguise what I was about to buy, picked up some other items. I get to the counter and I'm just watching the girl slightly mortified that she may realize what she just rang up, but all was well. Until I walked out the door of course. The alarm goes off and a security guard calls me back in and asks to see my receipt and bag. He then proceeds to empty the contents of my bag onto a table that is right next to the entrance, where anyone can see whats going on. Picking up each item and looking at the receipt to see if it were on there, he gets to the toy. Looks at me, looks at it, and back at me again. Looks at the receipt. At this time, a manager has made his way to the table to get an idea of whats going on, and views the item in the security guards hand and ask me if the counter girl scanned it. I said yes its on the receipt. He calls her over. So now its the store manager, the counter girl, the security guard who is still holding my new toy and myself, at a table next to the entrance. The manager begins to ask her if she took the sensor off. She proceeds to say she didnt know what it was when she scanned it and didnt realize there was a sensor. The manager then proceeds to yell at her saying that hes gone over this many times with her, whenever someone purchases a sex toy there is always a sensor in the box. Her response was sir, I didnt know it was a sex toy. and My response: ya know what I dont even really want it anymore. The manager ignores me, takes the box from the security guard , opens it and is now explaining to the girl how its a vibrator and how to take the sensor off. After man handling it, looks at me and apologizes, put its all back in and walks away.  I grabbed my toy and my batteries and did a fast walk to my car. LOL

Well thank you Florida CVS for giving me ...something to write about.

Sunday, May 19, 2013

Dont you hate it when your hairs great but you have no where to go...

OI have really great hair today... My hair does well in the rain.  I think its funny how I lightened my hair (not a lot, just a lil bit) with a box bleacher and everyone thinks its the salons color just fading. No no I'm done with that shit. The simple fact that I was able to lighten my hair and the fact that I could go Marilyn style if I wanted and the "professional" couldn't, just proves that he is a waste of money! Never again will I go to a professional.

I want a reason to dress up, a reason to feel pretty on the inside and out. I want to feel you wrap your arm around me....

My runes recently told me that its time to open my heart to the light and to allow it to shine in, so that's my mission. Part of that darkness was my job. I know most people don't understand, but I cant go back there..I wont go back there...time to break the chains and find out what makes me happy...

Never did I want things to be like this. Part of the reason why I always said no, cuz I never wanted us to end up the same way it did with everyone else. I cant even call you a friend.

I pray for a fat check to come in the mail...please money gods...please!

Ever want to read a book, and realize that it was stuck somewhere in storage in a sea of boxes labeled books.... UGH on a mission tomorrow.

And seriously wtf was with the tree with the face on it!?! As soon as I saw it, it reminded me of Disney's Pocahontas!

https://jaecee.see.me/

You don't know how to love me, nor do you understand the capacity of my love, should I choose to give it.

My grandmother didn't put me down today. Which is very surprising since she likes to go around telling the world that I'm "Chunky". However today was the opposite. She actually told me I was beautiful.

If someone asks me about my job, I'm going to tell them. There is no way of sugar coating what I do, therefore if you are embarrassed by what I do, than leave the f-ing room while I'm talking with that person. Do not Shush me or shout out my name or repeatedly say god the language. My job revolves around midget strippers, trannies, white trash and so on, IF you cant fucking handle it than go away.

My mom and sister had this whole convo about weed and how ppl in Connecticut can now get a medical marijuana card. They bitched for 20 minutes about how this is the reason this country is going to hell and how its absolutely ridiculous...I really wanted to say after spending a full weekend, all I want to do is smoke! and thank you god for the mimosas this morning...I would not have been able to get thru it without them! In all serious there were definitely moments this weekend where I wished I were drunk or high just so it wouldnt offend/bother me as much.

So I'm watching girls and it's like WTF .. I have such a love hate relationship with this show... Like I hate her but yet I kinda wanna be her and I totally get her but god I hate her. So if I can relate to her in someway but yet I hate her, do I hate myself? NO I simply hate her, like these things don't just happen.

Friday, May 17, 2013

In a peaceful mood...Baxter is curled up next to me me sleeping. He too is happy...had a full meal, and two bones and all he wants to do now is cuddle...

The only thing that could make this better is possibly a back rub.... mhmm yea a full back massage.. with your strong hands on my body getting all the knots out and forcing me to relax... I miss feeling the pressure of your body on mine.

I miss being able to sleep...but I like to watch baxter sleep...I know I'm biased but he truly is the most adorable dog.

It's amazing how things can change in a year. 

And I'm stupid cuz I loved you, not in love, but definitely infatuated. And I toyed with the idea for so long till I realized that I didn't know what that was or how it felt to love or be loved. Maybe I just like the idea that you could possibly. All I knew was that I felt completely at ease when I was in your arms, and that's really all I ever wanted to be.



Thursday, May 16, 2013

one week left...

One more week till Boogie and I hit the road. Wont be able to make as many as stops as I had wanted, money is a lil tight and the government is being as helpful as he was in the past. I'm hoping to get a check for the movie I just worked on soon, which will be a nice lil bump for the trip but if not, we will make due. Maybe if I'm lucky I wont have to come back...in many ways, that would be fantastic.



Wednesday, May 15, 2013

Random thoughts while being an extra

This guy is wearing a NY Film Academy bag...he totally thinks he's the shit. That bag makes him whole.

He's waiting for anyone to glance his way, so he can have someone to talk too.

I forgot how snobbish these ppl really are.

My hip bone just cracked... I feel like eighty..

I need to sign up to do this all the time seriously why am I working so hard, I could be a professional extra!

Free spell casting
Free spell casting

Sunday, May 12, 2013

Peace

At the end of the day, you know only what you think you know. You don't know a thing about me, what makes me whole, or what pushes me to keep going. I've allowed you to only get so close. In a conversation, you only hear your opinion and rarely notice if anyone is talking. You couldn't be more disinterested in my life and you proved that all so effectively at our last outing. don't bother coming if you arent going to partake in whats happening around you. I dont need you to be there. 

Friday, May 3, 2013

3 days left and I just want to run away...

I'm your first option, or no option. Get use to it.

Stop being so vain, not everything is about you.


"So tell me now
If this ain't love then how do we get out?
Because I don't know
That's when she said I don't hate you boy
I just want to save you while there's still something left to save
That's when I told her I love you girl
But I'm not the answer for the questions that you still have"



"You think you're having a bad day or have a terrible job? Well you dont! You could be a soul-less prostitute from Taiwan who has to perform whats called a pussy show. Yes, a pussy show. Try making smoke come out of your pussy or toot a horn from your pussy." - My Producer.


I cannot come back here in July...I need to be free of this place.


I often sing to my guests to make them comfortable....I was told that was weird

My Body kills...I use to be able to fall down the stairs and have no problems...now 2 days later and I feel like I have whip lash...

I think all along I wanted to believe I was something more than just a body, that I meant something. I think I actually started too, at one point, but stupid me...just a another number...another notch on the belt.

Thursday, May 2, 2013

Lemonade diet

Thinking of doing this diet...This guy at work lost over 30 pounds! I'll start Monday since I already wont be eating...Thoughts?

Lemonade Diet: What You Can Eat


No solid foods are allowed, nor are any supplements. You consume only the Master Cleanse elixir to keep you hydrated.
The plan calls for you to drink 6 or more servings daily of the lemonade drink. The only other options are a "salt water flush" of 2 teaspoons salt mixed in a quart of water in the morning, and an herbal laxative tea at night, if needed.
A single serving of the Master Cleanse drink consists of:

2 tablespoons fresh-squeezed lemon juice

2 tablespoons grade-B organic maple syrup

1/10 teaspoon cayenne pepper

10 ounces filtered water

After following this fast for 4-14 days, dieters are urged to slowly ease back into eating solid food, starting with items such as vegetable soup, followed by fruits and vegetables.