Eyes shut wide

I really am super disappointed about tonight. I was really looking forward to taking Baxter out to his first baseball game....

Is it odd that I some how relate and can understand M.M.'s pain? That feeling of emptiness and being lost, yet knowing exactly where I am but unable to escape.

I wonder where Baxter would go. I surely cannot leave him with someone, whom every other week is throwing me out of their life. He would have to go to someone that could treat and love him in the precise way that I do. Though the financial burden, though totally justifiable, its still a burden. Perhaps thats why I haven't left yet. I haven't found the perfect hands to place my love in. I've most definitely been close. M being the closest.

I know exactly how too, I've actually known for quite some time. It's not time yet.